How Does Divorce Work? - The Divorce Process Explained

Divorce is one of those life events that most people hope they’ll never go through, yet so many of us do. It can feel confusing, overwhelming, and even scary if you don’t know what to expect. 

The good news is that while divorce is rarely easy, understanding the process can make it a lot less intimidating.

If you’re wondering how the divorce process works, you’re not alone. Whether you’re just starting to consider divorce, you’ve already decided, or you’re right in the middle of the process, knowing what’s ahead can help you feel more in control.

We’ll walk through the different types of divorce, how mediation fits in, how custody decisions are made, and the typical steps to getting a divorce.

How does divorce work?

At its most basic level, divorce is the legal process of ending a marriage. But beyond that simple definition, divorce is really about untangling two lives that have been legally, financially, and emotionally tied together.

Here’s what usually happens:

1. One spouse files a petition for divorce. This is the legal document that starts the divorce process.

2. The other spouse is notified. They get served with the paperwork and have a chance to respond.

3. The court, or the spouses themselves, decides the key issues. This usually includes dividing property and handling debts, child custody, child support, and sometimes alimony.

4. The divorce is finalized. Once everything is settled, a judge signs off, and the marriage is officially dissolved.

Sounds fairly straightforward, right? Well, not exactly. The way divorce plays out depends a lot on the couple’s situation, whether they agree on the terms, and the laws of their state. 

How does an uncontested divorce work?

An uncontested divorce is when both spouses agree on all the issues in their separation, including property division, custody, and child and spousal support. It’s usually the simplest and fastest type of divorce.

Here’s how it typically works:

1. One spouse files for divorce, and the other is served with the papers.

2. Both spouses sign a settlement agreement spelling out the terms.

3. The agreement is submitted to the court.

4. A judge reviews it and, if everything looks right, signs off.

Because there’s no fighting in court, uncontested divorces are often quicker and less expensive than contested ones. Some couples can finalize theirs in just a few months, depending on the state and its laws on separation requirements.

How does a contested divorce work?

A contested divorce is the opposite. It’s when the spouses do not agree on one or more major issues, perhaps about property division, custody, or alimony.

Here’s the process:

1. One spouse files, the other responds.

2. Attorneys may exchange information and documents (referred to as “discovery”).

3. There may be negotiations, settlement talks, or mediation.

4. If no agreement is reached, the case goes to trial.

5. A judge makes the final decision.

Contested divorces can take a year or more, depending on the complexity of the case and how busy the court’s calendar is. 

They’re usually much more expensive because of attorney and mediator fees, court costs, property appraisals, and sometimes even expert witnesses.

In short, contested divorces are more like lawsuits. The court plays a much bigger role in deciding the outcome.

How does a no-fault divorce work?

Most states now allow for something called a no-fault divorce. 

This means you don’t have to prove your spouse did something wrong, like adultery or abuse, to get divorced. Instead, you can just say the marriage is “irretrievably broken” or that there are “irreconcilable differences.”

So, how does a no-fault divorce work?

• One spouse files under the no-fault option.

• The court doesn’t need proof of wrongdoing, just that the marriage isn’t working anymore.

• The focus is on resolving financial and custody matters, not on assigning blame.

This type of divorce is meant to reduce conflict and make it easier to end a marriage without delving into personal details in court.

How does divorce mediation work?

Not all divorces need to play out in court. Mediation is a popular alternative that helps couples reach agreements without a trial.

Here’s how divorce mediation works:

1. Both spouses meet with a neutral third-party mediator.

2. The mediator helps them talk through issues like property, custody, and financial support.

3. The mediator doesn’t make decisions, but guides the couple toward a compromise.

4. If they reach an agreement, it’s written up and given to the court for approval.

Mediation can save time, money, and stress. It also gives couples more control over the outcome instead of leaving it up to a judge.

How does custody work in divorce?

One of the hardest parts of divorce is figuring out what happens with the children. Custody and visitation laws vary by state, but generally, there are two main types:

• Legal custody: Who makes important decisions about the child’s health, education, and upbringing.

• Physical custody: Where the child spends time and lives.

Courts typically prefer arrangements that allow both parents to stay involved, unless there are safety concerns (though this may be mitigated by supervised visitation, rather than no contact).

Custody can be joint or sole, and judges make decisions based on the child’s best interests, looking at factors like:

• Each parent’s ability to provide a stable home.

• The child’s relationship with each parent.

• The child’s needs, school, and community ties.

• Any history of abuse or neglect.

Custody can be one of the most emotional and contentious parts of divorce, which is why mediation is often encouraged for divorcing parents.

How does the divorce process work? Steps to getting a divorce

If you’re just starting on your divorce journey, you might be wondering, “How does the divorce process work, step by step?” While details differ by state, here’s a general roadmap.

1. Decide to divorce

This may be the hardest part.

Once the decision is made, it sets everything else into motion.

2. File a petition

One spouse files the initial paperwork, sometimes called a complaint or petition.

Depending on your state, you may be required to live separately for a set amount of time before you are able to file for divorce.

3. Serve the papers

The other spouse must be officially notified.

4. Receive the response

The spouse who receives the divorce papers usually has a deadline to record an official response.

5. Issue temporary orders (if needed)

Courts can issue temporary orders for custody, child support, or who stays in the marital home if needed while the divorce is pending.

6. Discovery and negotiation

If the divorce is contested, both sides exchange information about finances and assets.

Negotiations or mediation may happen.

7. Settlement or trial

If the couple reaches an agreement, it’s written up and submitted to the court. 

If not, the divorce case goes to trial.

8. Final judgment

The judge signs the divorce decree, officially ending the marriage.

And that’s it - you’re legally divorced.

Final thoughts

Divorce can feel like stepping into unknown territory, full of legal jargon, paperwork, and tough emotions. But once you understand the basics of how the divorce process works, it starts to feel less like a mystery and more like a process you can navigate.

The truth is, there’s no single “right” way to approach the divorce process. 

Some couples find that an uncontested divorce or mediation is the smoothest path, while other needs the court to step in and make decisions. For many, it ends up being a mix, settling some issues out of court while letting a judge decide the rest.

While divorce is never easy emotionally, knowing what to expect can help you prepare, safeguard yourself, and make better decisions along the way.

Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to protecting your rights, your finances, and, if you have children, your family’s future.

At the end of the day, divorce is about turning the page and starting a new chapter. It may be difficult now, but with the right information, support, and mindset, you’ll come out the other side stronger and ready for what’s next.

The Splitup app is full of guidance to help walk you through every step of the divorce process, whether you’re wondering who gets the house or you need help working out how to tell your partner you want a divorce.