Divorce can be an emotionally challenging and complex legal process. Whether you’re separating on amicable terms or going through a contentious split, understanding how the process works is essential.
This guide walks you through each step of filing for divorce in the United States, from initial planning to finalizing the court’s judgment. It’s important to understand that all jurisdictions have their own rules and procedures for filing for divorce. In most cases you can find each court’s rules online.
Table of contents
Understanding the basics of divorce
Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage, terminating the marital relationship and dividing the legal responsibilities and assets between spouses. In the US, divorce laws vary by state, but most follow a similar basic structure.
Generally, there are two types of divorce:
Uncontested: Both spouses agree on all major issues, such as property division, alimony, and child custody.
Contested: The spouses cannot agree on key issues and require the court's intervention to help make decisions.
Many states also offer a ‘no-fault’ divorce option, meaning you don’t need to prove any wrongdoing that led to the dissolution of your marriage. Common grounds for this type of divorce include irreconcilable differences and irretrievable breakdown.
Understanding your state’s divorce laws is essential, so be sure to check your state court’s website for state-specific rules and forms.
Step one: Gathering information and documentation
Before you can file for divorce, you’ll need to gather important personal, financial, and legal documents. These help determine how property, debts, and responsibilities related to children and alimony should be divided.
Having this information ready can save time, reduce stress, and help you negotiate from a better, more informed position.
The following are some of the pieces of documentation you should consider collecting to prepare for your divorce:
Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements
Child-related documents, school and health records, etc. if they show something regarding a custody dispute
Pay stubs and income information
Bank statements
Tax returns from the last two to three years
Credit card and loan statements and loan applications
Mortgage and/or lease agreements
Retirement and investment account (401(k)) statements
Vehicle titles
Inventory of assets (pictures or video) and approximate values (think Craig’s List)
If you and your spouse share a child, you should consider preparing a proposed parenting plan that details your preferences for custody and visitation to be included alongside the relevant documentation.
If you need help creating this, you should know that within the splitup app you will find some great information to help you create a detailed, lasting, parenting plan.
Step two: Filing the divorce petition
The divorce process officially begins when one spouse, who is then legally known as the petitioner, plaintiff, or complainant, files a divorce petition (also referred to as a complaint) with their county court.
The petition outlines the basic information of your marriage, including the names and addresses of both spouses, the date and location of your marriage, the grounds for divorce (if required), and any requests regarding custody, assets, and alimony.
The petitioner will also need to pay a filing fee, which can range anywhere up to $500 or more, depending on the state in which you file. Depending on your income, this filing fee may be waived or deferred in some jurisdictions.
Once you have filed, the court will assign your divorce a case number and issue a summons to notify the other spouse, henceforth known as the respondent or defendant.
Step three: Serving the divorce papers
After filing for divorce, you must serve the divorce papers on your spouse. This is a legal requirement to ensure they’re officially informed.
Serving must follow your state’s legal procedures, but can typically be done in one of the following ways:
Voluntary acceptance: Your spouse, the respondent, can sign an acknowledgment of receipt (note: it is likely there is a requirement for the signature to be notarized).
Sheriff’s department or process server: A third party delivers the papers and provides proof of service. The proof must be filed with the court.
Certified mail: In some states, you can mail the documents with a return receipt requested.
Alternate service: If you are unable to find the party that you are trying to serve, you can typically ask the court to permit alternate service, such as via publication, facebook, text, or email. But you should be sure to have tried all other ways first.
The respondent then has a limited time to respond to your petition. If they don’t respond, you may be able to proceed with a default judgment.
Step four: Discovery and disclosure
If you do not have access to everything you need to prove the value of all your assets and the amount of debt, you can, and should, use discovery to collect everything you need. Discovery is when you collect evidence/documents/photos/videos/recordings etc. Disclosure is when you provide those items to the other party.
There are several types of discovery:
Depositions
Interrogatories (uniform and non-uniform)
Request for Admissions
Depositions (in person, remote, written)
Subpoenas
Request for Documents and things
Each of these discovery methods have their own rules and protections that must be followed.
Disclosure is when you provide evidence to the other party. Therefore, if you intend to use something in court, you must disclose it. Each jurisdiction has their own disclosure rules and timelines.
You should know what marital assets exist and their values prior to entering into negotiations.
Step five: Negotiating
If your divorce is uncontested, the next step in filing for a divorce involves negotiating the terms of your separation, including:
The division of property/assets and debts
Child legal decision making and parenting time
Child support payments
Alimony (or spousal support)
This negotiation can either be worked on together (known as direct negotiation), worked on with a neutral third party (mediation), or worked on with a specially trained attorney for each party (collaborative divorce).
If you are able to reach a full agreement, you’ll be able to submit a settlement agreement to the court for approval. If not, the case may need to go to trial, where a judge will decide on unresolved issues.
Some courts, such as Arizona courts for example, have a consent decree that you can file together at the time of filing your petition. It basically means you agree on everything, everything is written, and you want the court to sign off on it.
Step six: Finalizing the divorce
Once the court reviews and approves your settlement, it will issue a final divorce decree. This is a legal order that officially ends the marriage and outlines each party’s rights and responsibilities.
You may need to face a waiting period between filing for divorce and the finalization of the process, depending on your state.
How to file for divorce without a lawyer
Filing for a divorce without a lawyer, known as a pro se divorce, is common in straightforward cases, particularly uncontested divorces. You can even have a certified document preparer help you in most jurisdictions.
If you’re going solo, here are the steps to follow:
Check eligibility and residency requirements in your state.
Obtain divorce forms from your local court’s website or office.
Gather any supporting documents and complete the forms accurately.
File the petition, paying any required fees.
Serve the papers to your spouse using one of the three methods mentioned above.
Attend a hearing if required, or submit a settlement agreement to the court.
Using online resources, such as the splitup app, will help you to avoid errors that could delay your case or cost you more money. Most courts do also have online forms and instructions to help walk you through the process. However, these are often difficult to understand and provided with little explanations. Using court forms along with the splitup app is much more helpful and less stressful.
Conclusion
Filing for divorce can feel overwhelming, but breaking it down into the six steps above can make the process feel more manageable.
Staying organized, informed, and cooperative will help you reach your desired outcome more smoothly.
Most importantly, remember that every divorce is unique, so take your time to understand your rights, responsibilities, and options under your state’s laws.
