7 Essential Tips to Help You Prepare for Divorce
Sep 16
7 min read
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Divorce is one of the most emotionally and financially stressful experiences in life. Despite how common it is, many people find themselves unprepared and unsure where to begin.
The process can take several months to complete, often requiring paperwork and a lot of emotional energy. Costs also vary depending on the state you live in. Couples spend hundreds to thousands of dollars depending on if the divorce is contested or handled through agreement.
While there are literally hundreds of things you should probably do to prepare for divorce, we are going to hit seven of them. We’ll help ease your concerns by explaining how to prepare for divorce practically. Our guide also covers seven essential tips to help you stay organized and supported throughout the process. Want more? You can also read Launi Sheldon’s book, Controlling Your Divorce & Building Your Case, and subscribe to the Splitup app to find more detailed information.
Table of contents
1. Collect financial and legal information early
Getting your paperwork in order early is a key part of financial planning for divorce. It gives you a clearer understanding of your financial position and helps avoid delays as the process moves forward.
To get started, begin gathering the financial and legal documents you’ll likely need throughout the process. These may include:
Recent pay checks
Mortgage or rental agreements
Bank statements and credit card balances
Loan documents and debt records
Retirement account and pension statements
Past tax returns
Utility bills
Insurance policies (e.g., health, auto, home, life)
Investment or savings account details
Employment offers and compensation packages
Evidence, such as pictures, texts, videos, recordings, police reports, hospital reports, rehab records, to show domestic violence, child abuse, or substance abuse.
You should also create an asset inventory that outlines what you and your spouse own jointly and separately. This includes property, vehicles, valuables, and other significant items.
Having this information organized now makes it easier to work with an attorney or mediator later on.
2. Speak to a lawyer before making any decisions
Before making any major decisions, such as moving out or dividing assets, it is helpful to speak with a family law lawyer first. If you do so at the start of the process, you’ll be better informed about your rights and the legal steps involved in preparing for divorce.
Family law varies from state to state, particularly when it comes to property division, child custody, and financial support. Without the right guidance, you may unintentionally make decisions that could affect the outcome of your case. A qualified attorney can explain how the law applies to your situation and advise you on the best course of action. This might be especially important when one party has a pension or stock options from work and convinces the other party that they do not have rights to that property.
Seeking legal advice early in the process provides clarity and protects your long-term interests. It also ensures that you are prepared should your spouse initiate formal proceedings.
It is also important to mention that you should NOT take the advice of your soon to be ex. You may think they are being fair when they aren’t. You may think they know what they are talking about when they don’t. A common phrase in family law is “you don’t know who you married until you divorce them”. That is a common phrase for a reason, people don’t always handle splitting up in the best way. For instance, they may truly believe you have no right to their pension, when in fact you do. They may tell you that the “face value” of the pension is the real value, and it likely is much less than the real value.
3. Create a plan for children and custody arrangements
Have you thought about how parenting will work once you and your spouse are living separately?
Preparing for divorce when you have kids involves more than legal steps. It also requires a structured plan that prioritizes their well-being and sense of stability.
Think about how parenting time will be shared during the school week, on weekends, and during holidays, as well as throughout school breaks. Co-parenting works best when both parents are willing to cooperate, which is often more likely in an uncontested divorce. However, even in challenging situations, a consistent routine can help reduce uncertainty and support your child’s emotional needs.
Additionally, custody planning should cover who will make major decisions, how financial responsibilities will be handled, and what process to follow if adjustments are needed in the future. This is necessary because children’s needs and family circumstances often change as life goes on.
To learn how we guide parents through custody arrangements and parenting decisions, subscribe to the Splitup app.
4. Protect your finances when preparing for divorce
Many couples have joint bank accounts and even know each other’s passwords, which can make the financial side of divorce quite complicated. This is why taking a few careful steps early in the process is a wise choice, as it can help you protect your finances and avoid unnecessary stress.
For instance, opening your own bank account is a useful first move. It allows you to manage your income and savings independently and gives you a clearer picture of your personal finances. Just understand that when the other party finds out about the new account, this may cause things to escalate quickly.
Look over any shared commitments such as credit cards, loans, or household bills. Agreeing on who is responsible for what can prevent missed payments and protect your credit score.
It’s also a good time to update passwords on personal accounts and think about a realistic budget for the months ahead. These actions may seem small at first; however, they can offer peace of mind and a stronger sense of control during a difficult time.
You should also remove permissions on joint accounts, such as apple pay, google pay, instacart, venmo, LIFT or other ride share apps. And if you are visiting an attorney or banks or courts, check to make sure your shared location app is not on.
5. Take care of your mental and emotional well-being
It’s completely natural to feel all kinds of emotions during a divorce. Whether you’re experiencing sadness, anger, confusion, or moments of relief, these feelings are valid and often come in waves.
Preparing for divorce emotionally means giving yourself space to process what’s happening. If you’re struggling, consider speaking with a therapist or a trusted family member who can support you through this. You may also find it helpful to set aside quiet time for rest or reflection. The Splitup app has journals available to help you reflect each step of the way, while not losing track of getting through this difficult time.
6. Use Splitup to help you prepare for divorce
We want you to feel supported throughout this process, both legally and emotionally. Splitup offers clear legal education and the emotional support you deserve. Created in partnership with Learn Law For All, the Splitup app gives you access to more in-depth tools that help you understand your legal rights.
In the United States, approximately 70–90% of family court cases proceed with no legal representation. We don’t want you to feel alone. Our app provides everything you need to get through this experience, from the hundreds of videos to step-by-step checklists to guidance on managing the emotional impact of separation.
If you choose to hire an attorney, Splitup can also help you work with them more effectively while giving you tools to manage the emotional challenges that often come with family law cases.
7. Prepare your living situation and daily routine
As soon as the divorce is finalized, day-to-day life may look very different. The home you once shared might change, and the responsibilities that used to be divided may now rest on your shoulders alone. However, thinking carefully about what life will look like after the legal process can make that transition easier to manage.
For parents who have custody of the children, keeping routines consistent (e.g., school pickups, bedtimes) can provide comfort during an otherwise unsettled period. This stage is about reshaping your daily life and building a routine that supports you going forward.
To explore what life after divorce might involve and get practical advice, subscribe to our Splitup app or read our blog for more guidance.
Preparing for Divorce FAQs
Should I move out before filing for divorce?
It depends on what you want the outcome to be. Each case is different. However, you should always consider your safety and your children’s safety first, with the understanding that moving out before filing for divorce is risky, as it can have an impact on custody arrangements, finances, and your rights to the home. Not just living in the home, but also inventorying the home and taking property which may simply disappear during the court case.
Since every situation is different, it’s usually better to get legal advice first so you understand how that decision could affect you. However, the Splitup app provides insight and examples to help you in the event you do not hire an attorney.
Can I prepare for divorce without telling my spouse?
Yes, and you should begin preparing for divorce privately. Some people choose to create a safety plan, organize finances, sock away some money, or speak with a lawyer before bringing it up with their spouse. Taking these steps quietly can help you feel more secure when the time comes.
Do both of us have to attend court during the divorce?
In many cases, both spouses don’t need to attend court, particularly if the divorce is uncontested. When there is agreement on all the issues, the process can often be handled through paperwork, reducing the need for in-person court appearances. But be sure to show up if a hearing is set. It is not uncommon for one party to tell the other party not to show up, only to have the other party win everything by default.
