What Is a Gray Divorce & What Leads to Them?

As the name suggests, a gray divorce is a divorce between two spouses over the age of 50. Often, the couple will have been married for a significant amount of time (perhaps even multiple decades) before deciding to divorce.

In this article, we will explore the topic of gray divorce by looking at what influences and leads to them, examples of famous gray divorces, and what needs to be considered by those instigating or actively going through their own gray divorce proceedings.

What Is a Gray Divorce?

As we briefly summarized above, a gray divorce (otherwise known as a “silver divorce” or a “later-life divorce”) is a divorce between individuals over the age of 50, often a couple who have been married for a long period of time.

Despite often being married for many years, or even decades, these individuals decide to split up later in life.

As you might expect, the things that lead to a gray divorce are not always the same as those that lead to divorce earlier in life, as we’ll explore in more detail in the section below.

What Leads to Gray Divorce?

While there is no single thing that leads to any kind of divorce, what leads to gray divorce is often different than what leads to divorce in younger couples.

Where younger couples will often divorce due to things like relationship incompatibility, tricky in-law relationships, and differing parenting styles, these same influences don’t as frequently apply to older couples who are separating. After all, a couple that has been married for 20+ years will most likely have already aligned on and overcome countless things in each of these areas. Instead, older couples tend to divorce due to things like:

• Empty nest syndrome - When the kids leaving the home drives substantial changes in a married couple's relationship, divorce may be more likely. Sometimes this dramatic change can highlight how much a couple has grown apart, and they can struggle to re-find that connection that originally brought them together.

• Infidelity - While certainly not something exclusive to divorces between older couples, infidelity will often be the key driver behind a gray divorce (and is one of the main reasons for divorce across all age groups).

• Financial difficulties - With retirement fast approaching, an older couple can quickly find that they’re having more disagreements about money, which puts a strain on the marriage. This could be particularly true if and when more extreme financial behavior (like issues surrounding debt and/or gambling) comes to light.

• Changing priorities, expectations and outlooks on life - As we grow older it is only natural that our priorities, expectations and outlooks on life grow with us. As a result, older couples can find that they are no longer as compatible as they once were. Such changes can often be a key driver of and result in (hopefully very amicable) gray divorces.

• Health issues and the challenges associated with aging - While the saying may be “till death do us part”, there is no denying that health issues and challenges can put a major strain on any relationship. As age increases so does the risk of chronic or major health issues, and these can lead to separation and divorce.

• Societal changes - Society changes remarkably quickly, and divorce is no longer frowned upon like it once was. As a result, spouses who previously put up with a less-than-ideal relationship may now be more likely to instigate divorce proceedings, even if it means doing so later in life.

As mentioned above, while the factors above are certainly more common ones that can increase the chances that an older couple will make the difficult decision to divorce, there really is no single factor that contributes to all divorces. Every couple is different and, as such, so are the reasons behind every divorce.

Are Gray Divorces on the Rise?

Yes, the data does suggest that gray divorce rates are increasing.

Based on the historical data, more older couples than ever before are getting divorced. In fact, within almost three decades, divorce rates for couples over the age of 50 have gone from 8.7% to 36%.

Furthermore, generally divorce rates are going down across all age groups in recent years, while at the same time divorce rates for those aged over 65 are the only ones going up. However, it is important to consider why this might be the case so we don’t miss the bigger picture.

The baby boomer generation (those born between 1946 and 1964) appear to be having a strong impact on divorce rates for the over 50s age group. 

This generation are more likely to get divorced than younger and older ones, and notably they were also more likely to get divorced when they were younger.

We also shouldn’t forget that, as individuals get older, there are many different factors that influence how likely they are to explore divorce. For example, it could be that older individuals are more likely to remarry (due to previous divorces or the death of a spouse), and remarriages are also known to increase the likelihood of divorce.

Notable Gray Divorces

In recent years, there have been many notable people who have gone through a gray divorce.

For example, in the business world you have the likes of Bill Gates who went through a divorce with his now ex-wife Melinda French Gates.  Of course, we also have the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, High Jackman and Deborra-lee Furness and Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus.

All of these famous divorces, and others like them, have contributed to the increasing normalization of gray divorces. This helps some older couples make the difficult decisions that are right for them and their long-term happiness, with less worry about outward perceptions and external stigma or judgement.

Things to Consider When Instigating or Going Through a Gray Divorce

All divorces have serious financial and emotional implications, and this is never more apparent than with gray divorces.

When a couple has been wed for multiple decades, it is likely that they will have been planning and saving for a shared future based on historic earnings and savings. However, in a gray divorce, this shared future is no longer on the cards. Now, two separate lives will need to be financed from the splitting of shared savings and assets, and each spouse will need to plan their own future and work out what retirement now looks like for them. Naturally, this brings challenges, and this is something that must be fully considered and planned for in any separation agreement.

If the couple share any children, it is likely that they will be grown up, so both individuals should keep in mind that child support is unlikely to be something provided, unless any adult children still require financial support due to disability or special needs.

Outside of the financial considerations, as mentioned above both individuals will also need to plan what their future single life looks like, where previously they may have been confident in what life post-kids and post-work life would involve. This can be daunting, and is something that is likely to take time.

Healthcare is also likely to be a growing concern for both spouses, and something which they would have otherwise counted on the other spouse to help with as they grow old together. They will now have to plan for someone else to help them with any health issues or challenges that arise in the years ahead. 

Conclusion

By now, you should know a bit more about gray divorce, and feel better equipped to identify if your divorce falls into this category. You should also have a good idea on what things you should consider if you are going through a divorce. If you are looking for even more support and guidance on all things family law-related, we encourage you to download and explore the splitup app.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Divorce laws vary by state. For advice tailored to your situation, consult a licensed family law attorney.