Divorce is rarely simple. Beyond the emotions, paperwork, and legal steps, one of the biggest questions many couples face is: who gets the house in a divorce?
The family home often carries more than just financial value; it’s where you’ve built memories, raised children, and maybe even put your heart into renovations.
But when a marriage ends, deciding what happens to the house can be one of the toughest and most complicated parts of the process.
Whether you’re trying to figure out if you have to sell your home, wondering what happens when kids are involved, or exploring how to keep the house after divorce, we’ll walk through your options step by step.
What happens to the family home in a divorce?
The short answer? It depends.
Divorce laws vary by state, but, in general, the family home is treated like any other marital asset. That means it needs to be divided fairly, though fair doesn’t always mean 50/50.
A few factors courts (or you and your spouse through mediation) may consider include:
Whose name is on the mortgage or deed.
When the house was purchased: If it was bought before marriage, it might be separate property.
Contributions to the home: Mortgage payments, renovations, or even sweat equity.
Overall financial picture: Sometimes one spouse may keep the house, while the other gets more cash, retirement funds, or another asset.
Courts want a resolution that makes financial sense for both people. Sometimes that means selling the home and splitting the proceeds. Other times, one spouse may “buy out” the other’s share and keep the house.
Who gets the house in a divorce with children?
Things can get more complicated when kids are involved. The family home often represents stability for children during a stressful time and a foundation for their future, so judges may lean towards arrangements that let the kids stay put if possible.
That doesn’t always mean the parent with primary custody automatically gets the house. But courts may consider:
The best interests of the children: Is staying in the home less disruptive to their schooling and routines?
Ability to afford the home: Can the custodial parent realistically handle the mortgage and upkeep?
Creative solutions: Some families opt for something called “nesting,” where children stay in the home and the divorced parents rotate in and out.
At the end of the day, financial practicality plays a big role. Even if it’s ideal for the kids to stay in the house, if neither parent can afford it alone, selling may still be the best path.
The process of selling a home during divorce
For many divorcing couples, selling the house is the cleanest option. It turns a complicated asset into cash that can be split, making it easier for both people to move forward with their separate lives.
But selling a home during divorce isn't like selling in normal times. There are extra steps and considerations to keep things fair.
Home appraisal for divorce settlement
Before anything else, you’ll need to know what your home is worth. A professional home appraisal for divorce settlement ensures you’re working with an unbiased, accurate number.
Why it matters:
It prevents one spouse from over- or under-valuing the property.
It helps calculate buyouts if one person keeps the house.
It establishes a baseline for dividing proceeds if you sell.
Divorce home sale
If you agree or are ordered by the court to sell the home, the process usually looks like this:
Hire a real estate agent experienced in divorce sales.
Agree on the listing price, based on the home appraisal and market analysis.
Handle costs and repairs, deciding who pays for what.
Divide proceeds. After mortgage payoff and fees, the remaining equity is split according to your agreement or the court order.
It’s important to set clear expectations upfront, including who makes executive decisions, how offers are considered and handled, and how quickly you want to sell. Miscommunication during this stage can create conflict and lead to a tense divorce process.
How to divorce and keep the house
What if you don’t want to sell? Maybe you love your home, want to stay put for your children, or simply see it as a good long-term investment. It is possible to keep the house, but it usually requires some planning.
Typically, your options here are:
Buy out your spouse: You pay them their share of the home’s equity.
Trade assets: Instead of paying cash, you might give up a larger share of retirement funds or another property.
Co-own for now: Some ex-spouses agree to hold onto the home together, at least temporarily, while the children grow up.
How to keep the house in a divorce without refinancing
Normally, if you’re keeping the house, refinancing the mortgage into your name alone is part of the deal. But what if you don’t qualify or don’t want to refinance?
Alternatives include:
Assumption of mortgage: Some lenders allow you to take over the loan without refinancing.
Co-ownership agreement: You both stay on the mortgage, but set legal terms for responsibility.
Delayed sale: You agree to keep the home for a set time, like until your children graduate, then sell later.
Keep in mind, staying on a joint mortgage after divorce can be risky. If one person stops paying, the other is still legally responsible.
This decision requires a lot of trust in one another and opens the door for continued communication with one another. If you are going through a contested divorce where there is already conflict and tension, this might not be the right option for you.
Do I have to sell my home in a divorce?
Not necessarily. Whether you have to sell depends on your finances, your spouse’s wishes, and your state’s divorce laws.
You might be able to avoid selling your home if:
One spouse can afford to buy out the other.
Both spouses agree to keep the home temporarily.
The house is clearly separate property (e.g., owned before marriage or inherited).
However, in many cases, selling is the simplest way to split things fairly. If neither person can afford the mortgage alone, or if keeping the house creates ongoing conflict, a sale may be the best path forward.
Other property during divorce
The family home gets the most attention, but it’s not the only property to think about. Divorce often involves dividing additional real estate, too.
Vacation homes
Vacation homes can be emotional assets, but they’re usually treated like any other marital property.
If the house was bought during the marriage, it may be sold and its value split, or one spouse may be able to buy out the other, just like with the family home.
Investment properties
Investment properties like rental units bring another layer of complexity. Courts (or mediators) may consider not just the property’s current value but also its income potential, tax implications, and expenses.
Some options include:
Selling and splitting the proceeds.
One spouse keeping the property in exchange for giving up other assets (e.g., the family home).
Continuing to co-own as business partners (though this requires a lot of trust and cooperation).
Tools that can help
Navigating property division is tricky, but there are tools that make it easier:
Home equity divorce calculator: This helps estimate how much equity is in your home and what a fair split might look like.
Professional appraisal: Crucial for avoiding disputes over value.
Legal and financial advice: A family law attorney and financial advisor can help you understand both the immediate and long-term impacts of your choices.
Final thoughts
Figuring out who gets the house in a divorce is one of the biggest hurdles most couples face. Whether you’re trying to stay put for the sake of your children, considering a buyout, or are ready to sell and start fresh, the key is to balance emotional wants with financial reality.
Remember: Every divorce is unique. What worked for your neighbor or friend might not be right for you. Talking with professionals, including attorneys, financial planners, and real estate agents, can help you make the best decision for your situation.
Divorce may end a chapter, but handling your home wisely can give you a strong start on the next one.
For more guidance on navigating the stages of divorce, download the Splitup app.
